I fell down... Gotta get up!

Well day 2 of the re-commitment has to be better then day one.  Yesterday I planned out my food packed my lunch and went to work.  I made one mistake.... Earlier this week Sam and I did a Costco shopping trip.  I was feeling munchy and had a few lapses in judgment that ended up coming home with me.  So now not only do I have pizza, cookies and trail mix but I have it in bulk!  Yesterday I decided I could handle it, it was so much food I couldn't just throw it away..... Big mistake! By the time I got home from work all I could think about were those three things.  I even tried imagining that my trail mix had somehow been tainted with mayo just so I wouldn't crave it!  I grabbed my banana, took one bite, throw it out, and chowed down on the bag of trail mix... then the cookies.... then the pizza... short break... back to trail mix.  Wow!  By dinner time I was so full but I had been looking forward to the meal I had planned all day and I couldn't possibly admit to Sam that I wasn't eating dinner because I had gorged before he got home.  So... I ate dinner.  It was hard.  I felt terrible.  I literally ended up laying on the floor for an hour because I was so full and uncomfortable!   When I finally managed to stand up and look in the mirror I said out load to myself "Sunnie... For real?  You feel like garbage!  All that food didn't make you happy.  Why would you do that to yourself?  Stop it!"  At least I had the good sense to skip dessert...... Does this happen to you?  What do you do to stop yourself????  

I felt so out of control.  My stomach was doing all the thinking and all my usual practices, even tricks weren't  working!  My sisters and mom have been very helpful but they don't eat meals with me.  They don't do the shopping with me.  They generally don't see me naked either.  So when I knew I couldn't be trusted.... I finally admitted to Sam I was out of control.  He pointed a stern finger at me and said "I'll help you!"  HALLELUJAH!!

Help!!!

Since I came back from vacation I never really got back to my healthy lifestyle.  I had given myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and deal with it when I got back.  Wow... that was a mistake... not only have the pounds not gone away... the "Vacation" mind set hasen't either.  So as you can imagine the pounds keep slowly creeping up on me.  I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE!!!  The only difference is this time I recognize it and I'm doing something about it today!  Right now!  Not tomorrow... not monday... not at the end of the month.  RIGHT NOW!!!

While I've been sitting here hating myself for overeating I started making a list.  My goals to get back on track and improve.  One of them was to blog my goals.  This has helped me for over 2 years.  This year I changed what I was blogging about to one SINGULAR goal because I thought I was all that and a bag of chips and low and behold... that is what I've become. 

The updated list of goals:
New goal weight: 115 by September 21st (my anniversary)
Get 7-8 fruits and vegg daily
Take a daily vitamin and fish oil
Burn 1000 calories per day by using my GoWear Fit
Make a daily To-Do list with a day planner
Do Turbo Fire!!!
Build muscle with Chalean Extreme!!!
Keep doing my new activity a week
Blog, blog, blog

So there it is. Signed sealed delivered, I'm yours blog readers!

Food Inc. The movie

It's late and I've only watched about 30 minutes of a documentary called Food Inc.  I'm perturbed,discussed, and emotional. Who thinks this is okay!?!?  Where can I find food that has not been torchered, over processed, and poisoned?  I feel like I eat pretty well and about a year ago I made the decision to stop eating meet and that was spured by my upbring of a vegetarian lifestyle and I read the book Skinny Bitch which was so horrifying that I never touched chicken, beef, or pork again.  I have been eating fish but after this documentary I'm ready to let go of that as well.  It's to much to think that we are so removed from the process of were our food comes from that we have been mislead into eating true and under poisonous food.  Things are so bad that I really don't even know where to find food that I could really truly feel comfortable eating and that wouldn't break the bank to get. Even fruits and vegetables have been brought in and then riped with chemicals.

I'm so frustrated.  I want to feel like I really am eating things that are good for me and fuel a healthy body but instead what I am confusing as healthy food is actually full of things that can make me sick, shorten my life, and flat out kill me.  Kill me!  What do we do?

You can stream Food Inc on Netflix.  It is hard to watch and it is graphic as hell and the grossest thing of all....it's whats happening.

Being a Lifetime Memeber is hard....

Dear Santa,

Okay I've been a terrible example of an aspiring skinny mini and I'm probably on the naughty list. I finally become a lifetime member at WW and in spit of my personal pep talks I went all out Ka-Razy!!!

I haven't counted my points, or even exercised in 2 weeks. I fell of the wagon, wriggled around on the ground and then my wagon ran over me. I'm afraid to get on the scale at this point. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

I've made lots of excuses for my new found habits. I bought a thing of cookies because we were having people come in from out of town to stay with us and for some reason I thought they would just love to have my favorite cookies around. I ate them before they even came to town. I've pulled out all the classic excuses! "Its the holidays", "I'll really kick it up for New Years", "I'll start tomorrow", and my personal favorite "I didn't gain any weight when I ate crap yesterday so I think I'll be okay today because I must have really boosted my metabolism."

Did I get hit with the Crazy Bus?!?!? I need help. All I want for Christmas is some new motivation. Any ideas would be much appreciated.

Love,

Sunnie

I'd like to thank the academy

I just wanted to say thanks to my mom for the gloves so my hands didn't get scratched. Thanks to Sam for telling me to wear my helmet because I broke the visor off it by face-planting into the sidewalk. Thanks to the ladies that pulled over to make sure I was okay. Without all of you I wouldn't have been able to finish the ride home with mild bumps and bruises.

Well I guess that takes me down a notch or two.... I totally fell off my bike on my first ride home!

Hahahahaha!

Can't wait to ride to work in the morning!

AHHHHH!!!! I'm wiggin' frustrated!

I just looked back through my weight watchers book to see how long I've been teetering in the 139-135 weigh range.

As of last weeks weigh in I've lost 3.2 pounds in almost 6 months!

What the heck!

I'm frustrated and upset with myself and in serious danger of just accepting this as the

best I can do.

Its time for serious reform because obviously what I'm doing now is not working!

The defeatist in me wants to say.... "You've tried everything. You've work out long and hard. You've not counted points and still lost and counted points and had a huge gain*. There is nothing left to do."

But the fighter in me wants to say..... "Come on Sunnie. Do you really feel like you've done everything you can do and that the last 10 pounds are just never going to come off...... get real! I saw you eat that cookie last night! I heard that thought about it being only one or two extra points in a day and you probably walked enough in the week to burn that... Really? Seriously? You can do better!"

NEW WONDERFUL SUCCESSFUL LIFE CHANGING GOALS!

• Be a better blogger! Blog on the weekends, that is when I have the most temptation to go overboard. Get back to putting up my WEEKLY WEIGH-INS and WEEKLY GOALS.
• Track what I eat.... No really! Track exactly what I eat! Not what I intended to eat with a few muddled point totals and miss measured portion sizes. That's bull crap and gets me no where... seriously!
• Working out is only half of the puzzle! It wont make up for me eating whatever I want and it makes it really unpleasant when I have to dedicate so much time to sweating because I've blown my dinner, day, or week! Its not worth it and its not getting me where I want to go**.

I've seen huge successes! But that success from 6 months ago is no longer enough to keep me driven! I need new success! I need to finish what I've started! Stop all the talk, talk, talk about it and

JUST DO IT!

*WW still works its the best program for me in the whole world!

**Tony Horton is still awesome! I had some pretty great results from his program but had I been more committed.... well you get the picture.

The Swimsuit Issue

I've been looking for a swimsuit for months now.  I haven't bought a new suit in upwards of 5 years. I eased myself into the idea with a little online browsing.  Now I need one in 2 days and have been trying them on and I just have one questions.......... WHO MAKES THESE!?!?!  Because I would really like to sit them down and give them a piece of my mind!

First of all why would a logical thinking person decide that we don't need any kind of support when we hit the beach or the pool and if we do its because we must obviously also love to wear eccentric floral patterns and only one cut of swimsuit, full absolute coverage one piece that might as well come with a pair of thermals.  I've lost 34.6 pounds and I'm a 22 years old with a generous rack!  I want to show some skin!  But I wouldn't be caught dead on the beach looking like something the vegetation throw up.  

There are just so many things wrong with the way a swimsuit is made in this day and age, such as, pricing or sizes. But I think that I'm just going to keep the rest of my cynicism to myself.  But if any of you have direct contact with a swimsuit designer could you please pass on my sentiments?  I will continue the search this evening because a Skinny Mini in Training's work is never done!  

The Woes Of A Roadtrip Weight Gain

I'm back from my road trip and back to reality.  I have good news and bad news...... I'll start with the good.  

I passed hundreds of In and Out Burgers which have yet to join the forces of evil here in Utah in the on going battle to expand my jean size!  In fact we didn't stop at one fast food restaurant and like I promised I bought nothing but gas and water from the many gas stations that we stop in on along the way.  Lastly I even managed a great run in AZ!  So there you have it!  The highlights of my weight loss journey on my trip away from home.

Now to the bad news........ 

Is to much of a good thing bad?  Yes, yes it is!  While I think I ate better then I ever have on a road trip, I accidentally left the will power for portion control at home.  I learned a very important lesson, its just the same to eat as much of a good thing as you can then if you had eaten something not so good.  There was one WHOLE day were I felt so uncomfortably full but as soon as the pain of my expanded stomach was beginning to ease.... I ate something else. Its all too possible that I'll be having a flash back of weigh ins past this week!  I think I am about to relive the Halloween debacle...... 

But with every hard lesson comes a new resolve!  I have 2 months until my trip.  I have run out of time for days off.  The exercise I feel comfortable with its the eating that needs a serious make over so I can frolic on the beach's of Spain care free!  I've taken some steps to help motivate myself.  

• I'll be attending the WW meetings.  (I always go in and weigh myself but I haven't been staying for the meetings..... This has to stop)
• I've pledged to loose 7 pounds in the next month on the Biggest Losers Pound for Pound Challenge.  So for every pound I loose they donate a pound of food to families in need.  Its ending on 5/5/09 but if you want to make a pledge here is the website www.biggestloser.com 
• Tracking!  I haven't been doing it!  I count in my head but its just not the same.
  
• No more "FREE" days.  Their not free!  I pay for everything I eat.

So basically I'm returning to the basics!  But its really exciting to think about the out come of two months of hard work!

Wow! Can we talk about stress eating?

In WW there is questionnaire to help you figure out some of your triggers so that you can avoid them.  Well it turns out that I am a classic stress eater. The past few weeks I've managed to lose but I've been eating the weirdest things!  I've had a tub of frosting in my cupboard since Halloween.  I hadn't taken an interest in it since we bought it to decorate cookies.... Even when we were decorating cookies!  But the past two weeks I've just wanted spoon fulls of it!  I'm going to have to throw it out when I get home because my mouth is watering just talking about it!  

Yesterday takes the cake though!  For work we are getting together presents for our clients.  They are containers of M&M's.  I opened a bag and a ton of them spilt all over the floor.  So in my stressed out food crazed logic I thought that I should just eat them because people don' t like food off the floor...... So I literally ate about 12 points worth of M&M's OFF THE FLOOR!  Now they do have a hard candy shell which is not just delicious but also makes for a more sanitary 10 second rule.......  I'VE LOST MY WEIGHT WATCHERS MIND!!!   

I've learned to forgive myself for the slip ups and to move on and not blow a whole day because I ate 12 points of M&M OFF THE FLOOR in about a 20 second time span!  These things happen.  Some weeks more then others.  But 12 points of M&M's for one day doesn't make you over weight.  The attitude that I messed up today so I'll start over tomorrow spirals into the scary black hole of binging on whatever because tomorrow I'll be good!  Its a scary place!  I may have recommitted myself to loosing weight a hundred different times.  But its still working!  I'm still loosing even if I mess up sometimes!  So no more eating food off the floor! It's back to the grindstone!  I've got 18 pounds to lose and about 5 and a half months to do it!  

Weigh in for the past two weeks: -1.2 lbs

Total: 24.8 lbs 

This is the first month on WW were I have not lost at least 5 pounds.  I was only .2 lbs away.  I've got to use that as motivation!  WW is revamping their program and I'm going to revamp my results!

Weigh-In Dread!

Hello my name is Sunnie and I'm a food addict........   Its been 3 days since I last indulged past my daily point allowance.  I'm going to my weigh-in in 2 days and I have some work to do to get back on track.  I am happy to announce that I have been very good..... For the past 3 days.  You have to start somewhere!  Even if you are starting over again.  Since the week of Halloween I have come down from a whooping 5 pound gain to 1 pound left to go before I'm back to where I was 2 weeks ago.  All I have to say is PHEW!  THAT WAS CLOSE!  When Sam asked me if I was done with the WW meetings I knew that I was in serious danger of jumping ship!  I will be going to the meeting this week and facing the dreaded scales even if I have to go in my shorts and t-shirt in the 30 degree weather to suck every last .2 pound out of the scales findings! I will conquer!!!  

Emergency Situation

This is a true story!  About 15 minutes ago my boss came in and brought berry tartlets with him!  They look so good!!!  He put one on my desk and I was seriously tempted at that point!  I thought I might have enough points today that I could eat it....... I was picturing how good it would taste with its glazed berries and creamy filling and soft buttery crust........ As I was sucking back the saliva that was accumulating in the corners of my mouth..... HE PUT ANOTHER ONE ON MY DESK!!!!  Now I have two berry tartlets that had been siting on my desk for 10 minutes!  I had to blog immediately!  I have promised not to eat my extra 35 points this week because I have only lost 1 pound in 4 weeks!  Something has to change so that I can start to see some results on the scale and I have been going strong too!  Now I am faced with the age old question - To eat, or not to eat - I had to get them out of my sight!  I put them in the fridge just so that I would stop sweating and went for my 0 point Jell-O to calm my craving.  You can image my surprise when in my Jell-O lid I found this.......

 

I think its divine intervention.

I wish I could have said that I threw them in the garbage but I am going to save them until I can use my 35 points again...... I'm only going to have one and give the other to Sam..... Hey I'm only human!